Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
