Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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