Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
