she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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