I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
