"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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