Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
