Are we in a gay sports bar?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
