I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
