I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
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I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
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I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize