how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
