I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
