I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
