scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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