If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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