Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
