Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
