don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
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According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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