Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
