i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
