i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
