Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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