Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We named our party play list daddy issues
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
