this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
