roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
