I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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