Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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