I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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