You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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