why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
