Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
