Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
