My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
