True but thats because hes a fetus.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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