oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I intend to get homeless drunk
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
