This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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