I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
