someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i now understand why vodka
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