I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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