Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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