The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
