I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And then my night got REAL pukey
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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