i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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