my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
