2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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