I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
