THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
