The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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