I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I don't think brook has ever known best
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
