So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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