Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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