Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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