when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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