We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
