Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
