We're like a lot better than the average bears
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
