That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
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I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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