I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
BRING THE BAGELS
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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