At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
