we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
