Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think a kid would responsible me up
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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