Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
