the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
