loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
