We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
