He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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