I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
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