I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
