I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
