I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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