I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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