Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize