haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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