I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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