So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
