Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
