the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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