He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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