cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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