i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
