Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
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Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
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I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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