The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I look better un-naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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